because sometimes the descriptions of clothes aren't actually descriptive

i bought a pair of skinny jeans. from ann taylor, naturally. the "lindsey" cut.

then i suggested, well, sort of INSISTED, that my mother buy them.

then i convinced the recovering actor to buy them.

then i convinced my dear friend emily to buy them.

(dude. they were on final sale for $19.88 and i had a 25% of code-- who should be without?)

i love them, obviously. i wear them in a size 16 petite. not. skinny. although, for the record, 16p at ann taylor is kinda more like 14.5 short. i can't believe i almost missed the skinny jean craze thinking that you had to be skinny to wear them!

what is it about skinny jeans on my not-skinny body that works so well? so glad you asked.

1. being of the hippy persuasion (not hippie, well, not always), bootcut jeans that fit in the hips gap by several inches at my waist (i think the lindsey cut + petite rise fixes THAT issue in these jeans) and look like wide-leg or flared jeans by the time they get to my feet. these jeans do not. thus, i can wear ballet flats, heels, flip-flops or boots with them. hooray!
2. they roll up neatly for pedis or capri-length wear. hello, easy packing! this is key since airlines now charge for every bag you check, so no more suitcase-full-of-shoes for me.
3. day-to-night. it's like those m&m commercials with santa: "it DOES exist!"

basically, i'd say these jeans are downright magical. pictures to come, i promise!

eta: that's me on your right.

because sometimes tact is appropriate. most of the time, tact is appropriate.

many of you may know, the voice of the philadelphia phillies is gone. harry kalas was a wonderful person with a great voice. and many of you may know, the philadelphia flyers are currently playing the pittsburgh penguins for the stanley cup playoffs. the pens and the flyers HATE each other. much much hate. because the pens are douchebags.

there is a blog that is the "pensblog." and granted, it isn't officially connected to the penguins by any means, but still. one of the lovely lovely human beings (read: jack ass) who pens the pensblog wrote after the flyers beat the penguins 6-3 last night that the organist should "take a note from Harry Kalas and just die."

i've never been more angry at someone in my life. i'm so angry that i could cry. so i sent this lovely individual letting him know just how awful of a person he is, and this is the email i got back:

"woooooooooooooooooooooooooo...


Your email was longer than Kalas's wake... bitch.


Charlie

Thepensblog.com
Via Iphone"

too soon? yes. it's too soon to mock harry kalas's death. it's far too soon. if you want to take it out on the team and mock the team, fine. if you want to say horrible things about philadelphia fans, fine. do not mock harry's death. that's not okay. that's not even remotely okay. so, charlie, did you think that was a good idea? because it fucking wasn't. it was most certainly not a good idea.

Edit: I'm now being harassed by both charlie and adam at "pensblog." what wonderful gentlemen they are.

because sometimes design features are there for a reason

a very popular clothing chain carries these boxer briefs, which i'm told are very comfortable. since i personally don't wear men's underwear, i'll take their word for it. the only problem with these boxer briefs?

you know how men are lazy when it comes to using the bathroom.... and they can just unzip and go? well this particular pair of underwear is missing a crucial design feature. the little opening in the front that makes just unzipping and going possible.

when was the last time you saw a man in the urinal with his pants down because his unders didn't have the little opening? maybe all boxer briefs are this way, and i'm just in the dark here, but last i checked that little opening was a crucial design feature of men's underwear.

because sometimes you need at least six different bras

ladies... i understand that sometimes the shirts you want to wear and the bras that you have clean don't always match. but this is no excuse. there is no reason why you shouldn't have at least two strapless bras. and if you really want to be careful, one of those strapless should be a low-cut or plunge bra. it is unacceptable to have a backless shirt and regular bra straps. if you want to wear clear straps, that's OKAY but you could still do better.

what i really can't get down with are the girls who feel the need to pin and hold their bra straps in place.



just because your shirt still has straps doesn't mean it's okay to pin your bra straps together to have a mock razor back bra. in fact, it kind of makes you look trashy. just get a strapless bra. it will make your life easier.

because sometimes you actually have to wear pantyhose

of course, there is no reason why the female body should be trapped and strapped and contorted to please men. of COURSE. but, just like table manners, certain items of clothing have become a matter of decorum. like pantyhose.

i wish i could have taken an inconspicuous photo, but imagine, if you will, a lady in a suit. a skirted suit. say, for instance, it's an ann taylor seasonless triacetate. a smart suit, you know, with a 3-button shrunken blazer and below-the-knee pencil skirt. a good suit. and it's been paired with conservative pumps and a button-down shirt. menswear chic. but the legs. are bare.

just because it hit sixty doesn't mean you don't have to cover your legs at the office.

get yourself six pairs of well-fitting day sheers (hanes travel buff is a great color for the whiter-than-white). honestly, pantyhose do not have to be shiny, unnatural and binding. and they're worth the money.

these are the exceptions to the pantyhose with suits rule:

1. linen suits don't require pantyhose because they're summery, especially with open-toe shoes, but for the love of god, if it's unlined, wear a slip.
2. evening wear suits (those made of satin and silk that you'd look like a tool if you wore to work) can go either way. it all comes down to the shoes: strappy sandals = no hose; pointy pumps = hose.
3. cotton suits that fall below the knee and are worn with open shoes. closed shoes are hose optional.

any time your skirt is above the knee and you're going for professional, opaque tights are pretty much required. no, that doesn't include your khaki mini, but you shouldn't be wearing that to work anyway. you are not allie mcbeal.